Have my feelings mixed..

Have my feelings mixed..

Postby Martina on 06 Jun 2016, 14:24

Hi, ladies! Sorry for rambling, anyway this is how it feels..
Being that I’m still very new to this journey. I notice a lot of emotions that I’m not sure are "normal" or "just me".
Has anyone been down the middle of "I really want to have kids, why don't i have them yet?” or “I'm going to do everything I can do make it happen" one day. And then the next day thinking "My life is ok anyway; I can fit into my clothes, come and go when we please. It'll be ok if it stays this way? Is this normal? Is this just my way of trying to deal with it?
We’re passing DE IVF in Biotexcom clinic. Booked 5 shots program. Must stay strong!!
Just wondering what others have experienced along the way.
Thanks in advance for all the support!
Martina
 
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Joined: 18 Nov 2015, 15:14

Re: Have my feelings mixed..

Postby Pam on 06 Jun 2016, 14:43

Yes absolutely, I know what you feel. Being in-between the decisions I was driving myself insane. I threatened to leave my husband so many times I lost count! My reasoning was that I was the one who couldn't have kids. I was therefore a fraud that tricked him into marrying me. He deserved to be with someone who could give him kids. Awful, I know…
We are lucky enough to now have a baby and are going through IVF again for another...
I am literally days away from the transfer. And have decided that I can't look after the baby I have therefore should not be trying for another one. All of this is a defense mechanism to protect me from that awful feeling of failure that accompanies any unsuccessful cycle. :roll:
Sorry, a bit of a rant but trying to convey that any emotions or feelings you have during this horrible time are completely normal!!
Pam
 
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Joined: 19 Nov 2015, 15:27

Re: Have my feelings mixed..

Postby Renata on 10 Jul 2016, 15:59

Hi, ladies! I guess it's totally normal! At least for me it was anyway. I would get to these points where I would feel like I was "testing" myself to see how much I wanted babies. When I was young I was fine with the thought of not having kids. (I’m deadly sorry for those thoughts now as feel like I’ve lost my great opportunity of using own eggs. We’re passing ivf with donor egg in Biotexcom clinic, Kiev.) Also thought "maybe I will be ready enough in a couple of years..." But then I started to get a pregnancy announcement from someone, and it definitely sent me into a depressed rage. I would say that there were solid YEARS when I went forth to make sure this is what I really wanted! And every time I ended up back at the same spot of wanting kids!!!
I am sure that there are some people who have the same thought process. And they end up on the opposite path of childfree living. It is definitely a process to come up with the "right" answer for you and your family. But you will definitely get there - it just takes time! Sending you lots of gentle hugs, dear Martina XX
Renata
 
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Joined: 18 Nov 2015, 17:50

Re: Have my feelings mixed..

Postby Hilary on 10 Jul 2016, 16:47

Oh, ladies, I totally feel like my husband got tricked too! :cry: Sometimes i wonder if it would be better for him to be with someone who can give him kids right away!.. But that's probably a train of thought for the guilt conversation... (We're still new to this journey and not sure that it's all me yet, but it’s looking like it). Good luck with the transfer and good for you for knowing your doubts are just a defense mechanism. I don't think I can handle labor or raising a child either- maybe that’s my way of a defense mechanism.. Thinking if I'll be terrible then to have someone else to do it for me?? I'll be sending you good thoughts because you've probably already proven yourself to be a great mom. If you weren't, you probably wouldn't be putting yourself through all this.
Renata, I'm in the exactly same boat about getting announcements. It totally throws off my thinking line. A year though? How do you handle the back and forth? I just want a decision and to know which path I'm going to take. I've only admitted to having IVF in like early September though. I guess I can give myself another couple of weeks... :?
Hilary
 
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Joined: 19 Nov 2015, 15:36

Re: Have my feelings mixed..

Postby Grace on 06 Jul 2017, 10:36

Hello ladies, it's a common thing for those for are undergoing a reproductive treatment. I know, sometimes it seems like being in a limbo is not for you and you are tired from being miserable all the time. When we faced infertility we thought the end of the world has come. Frankly, I didn't want to contact with other people, we stopped trying to conceive and just drifted away.
With time I realized I could not live like that, I wanted to be a mom and that gave a push to move on. Accidentally, we were told about that clinic and here we are, pregnant with twins. Now an egg donation seems to be very easy, so don't be afraid of it.
p.s I hope you are doing well with your baby :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
Grace
 
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Joined: 13 Apr 2017, 09:20


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