Embryo donation! Let's talk!

Re: Embryo donation! Let's talk!

Postby Penny on 09 Oct 2014, 16:07

so lovely to see this thread active)) It's wonderful that people I've never met, keep me from feeling adrift on this journey! It would feel so solitary otherwise....thank you all. (you've saved me from accosting strangers with "so, how do you feel about ART? Care to chat? Spare an egg or 12?" LOL)
Barbara, I read your post and wept; happy tears but bless you for speaking from the heart.
Penny, I LOL picturing your mom looking like Einstein with her 'blown back hair'. Yes, I'm sure you've thrown a few curves at her, but kudos to you and your mom for making it work. It reinforces my opinion that a mom loves you no matter what...genetics notwithstanding. I agree with you; I haven't dwelled much on the "I won't be their genetic mom" thing; I figure I have a good relationship with my mom and I'm sure it'll work for us. Sorry to get stroppy, but as long as there's commitment and love, things will work out. Heck; I think I'm more concerned about feeding and potty training; things I know nothing about, but things I know I'll figure out...ditto for DE.
can't stand that I can't read back through posts as I type...will take notes and respond properly tomorrow.
Here's a question: how is everyone planning on handling the disclosure/non-disclosure aspect? Would love to hear your thoughts, but understand it's a sensitive topic so understand if anyone stays mum on this one.

Just wanted to pop in and say thank you for your thoughts and posts. So glad you're all here.

OK, off to enjoy my coffee...bought a Keurig thingy today that uses those pods...mmmmm, it's wonderful. I'm going to enjoy my cup of caffeine while I can (fingers crossed LOL) TTFN
Penny
 
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Re: Embryo donation! Let's talk!

Postby Barbara11 on 10 Oct 2014, 12:14

Hi Waiting,
Best of luck to you, too! I'm in the middle of my 2WW and feeling more worried.
I was so positive and optimistic earlier in the week and now I'm starting to stress. It's 8 days post FET and I vowed not to take hpt this time. I think I figured out that I was really positive because I had gotten several days of really good rest and everything seemed so much brighter. Now it's late in the week and I'm beat. It sort of makes sense that rest makes everything look better, duh!
So in accordance with my try to be postive philosophy, I'm trying to get back all those confident, hopeful, happy feelings. I'm simply telling myself I can choose to feel pregnant. How are the rest of you doing? I really loved the 'hair blown back' description, too. That was awesome. There should be an emoticon like that!
Kind of a new question, how have you ladies handled the dreaded phone call after the long wait? The last two torturous calls I got were while I was at work. It was hard to pull myself together when I learned of the chemical pregnancy the last time. I wish I had the discipline to ask them to leave me a message and I could check it when I was home with the hubster. Can't imagine I could be that controlled. Any advice? My beta will be soon . Maybe do hpt that morning? Hide under a rock until someone tells me I'm preggo? Hypnosis?
Barbara11
 
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Re: Embryo donation! Let's talk!

Postby Adriana on 10 Oct 2014, 12:37

Barbara - ahh yes, the dreaded 2ww. Before my 1st IVF, I wondered what everyone was going on about, when posting about the 2ww. I knew it would be an anxious time but I had no clue how 14 days would take over my life so completely!! Hang in there. I agree with trying to be well-rested is a great idea, not only for your state of mind but for your (fingers crossed) wee bean. Easier said than done though, right? I know my mind was always racing...not the most restful state of mind
I won't be much help on how to handle the beta call. I caved and did hpt's the 2 or 3 days prior to my beta; they were positive. Needless to say, the day of my blood test confirmed the hpt's. I don't know how I would have handled it, had a call come in saying it was negative. I know DH & I certainly were a complete wreck when we went for our 1st u/s and found out it was non-viable. Utter shock and mentally, yes, I did crawl under a rock for 2 days, only to come out and wander like a zombie for a while.
Maybe doing an hpt the day of/night before if DH is there, might help prepare you?
Talk to you soon
Adriana
 
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Re: Embryo donation! Let's talk!

Postby Penny on 10 Oct 2014, 12:42

Hey ladies,
I have tried to post a comment so many times and the post keeps getting swallowed up. Fingers crossed that this post makes it.
Barbara-- oh, the dreaded 2ww. I always caved and did the hpt a day or 2 before my beta. But I must admit that the response never changed how great/awful the beta call was. I still squeaked out a tight "thank you for the call" before breaking down and crying with my office door closed. And I did the same when I got my short-lived BFP. So I guess my advice is to find a solitary place where you can close the door and cry (happy BFP tears).
I am keeping this short to see if it posts, then I will try to address Nikki's question again later.
Penny
 
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Re: Embryo donation! Let's talk!

Postby Adriana on 10 Oct 2014, 12:55

Penny, good to hear from you and I too have been experiencing swallowed-up posts.
So, I'm having 'one of those days' already today. Strike one - woke up at 4:30 am, to AF. Strike 2 - we're hosting a backyard bash for 20+ people and it's supposed to rain/thunderstorm later today & tonight...not relishing 20+ people overtaking my tiny house. Sigh; let's hope DH's plan to put up tarps works (we're going to look like tent city here...oh well). Strike 3 - stupid brain is waffling between another IVF and DE. I know, I know...must stay out of threads on this site where over 40 women have been successful on IVF#2 or #3...
Anybody else struggling/struggled with this? How did you put it to rest? I thought I had...don't get me wrong, I know this is the path we're taking and I'm not changing my mind, I just wish that little voice that says "try DHEA....try another IVF...your AFC is 18.8! IVF#2 could work!" would just shut up and leave me alone .
I know part of this is due to the fact that we haven't selected our donor. I have my choice narrowed down to 2 candidates and am just waiting for my Dr. to get some info out of the clinic as to the donor's AMH, etc. I'm sure I'm just stuck in limbo land, with too much time on my hands but it's frustrating and demoralizing to feel so adrift. I am just so tired of waiting!! I feel like if I don't get something moving along, I'm going to burst.
Yup, AF is wreaking havoc with my mental state today, isn't she? Wicked witch.

OK, better go and adult-proof my home for the mob today.

Thanks for letting me vent
Adriana
 
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Re: Embryo donation! Let's talk!

Postby Barbara11 on 10 Oct 2014, 15:02

Sorry you are having a rough day. I hope you are having your party and you are feeling better. Not too many times in life when we welcome AF, right? Limbo-land is so not fun because your brain does flips over all the possibilities even when you think you've settled on a plan.It's completely awesome that some people have been successful after several tries with IVF and their own eggs. I just finally looked at the odds for my age, thought about how painful the first 2 miscarriages were and decided that DE gave me a real chance. I know what our issue is and it's the age of the eggs so that's fixable in a pretty straight-forward way. I was so emotional. I keep feeling like at some point the window of opportunity for this baby is going to close. I want to have tried everything. Sort of that path of least regret. I believe that once I'm holding a baby in my arms. And i believe I will not be thinking about where the egg came from. On the other hand for me, if I fail with my own eggs and run out of emotional stamina to try again. And DH does - not that he has any emotions he's aware of. So to say I may be out of luck and I may blame myself for being stubborn. From what you said you too know what it's like to be thoroughly disappointed when you think all is well and it turns out not to be so. Everyone has to find their right path but it doesn't mean we're always confident while we're walking it. Sometimes when I make a huge decision I spend a while saying oh crap, what did I do. My hubby on the other hand takes no prisoners once he's made a decision. He's clear he did the best he could at the time and just accepts all consequences. I so wish to take a page from his book on occasion. Although the rest of the book may be unintelligible! But I digress . . . could go on and on about what planet men are really from but that must be a different post. I love my husband. And accept that he's just as nuts as me only in a completely different way. Hang in there. When you get a bit more info on your potential donor you may feel better. It's always hard while you're still waiting to make that decision, darn it. Assuming all is well with one of the donors, any idea when you might begin? For me it took a few weeks once we identified the donor until I actually started meds. Once I had a role it helped a lot. There is always a hope inside us. So that’s why I hope tomorrow will be a little better!
Barbara11
 
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Re: Embryo donation! Let's talk!

Postby Adriana on 10 Oct 2014, 15:17

Ah, Barbara - thanks for lifting my spirits!
The party went off without a hitch; one of the advantages of being married to an engineer - the tarps were rigged to perfection and kept us high and dry. Perfect! Friends + good food + dancing + merriment helped my mood immensely! Aside from cramps and a somewhat foggy brain today (ugh, remind me not to have white russians) I'm feeling quite chipper
You managed to articulate just what I'm thinking. Logically, I know my chance of success is best with DE, I know I don't have time to waste at my age and I know I want to have a baby. I don't want to be faced with another non-viable pg and the heartache that brings. I just get frustrated WAITING; it's been a year since our last cycle and I sometimes think I could be trying another cycle while waiting to do DE. But I know that's just me being impatient LOL. To answer your question, my Dr. indicated the earliest we might start is October....needless to say I'm girding myself for the reality that it may creep into November or December. I'm good with the decision we've made. It took me a little bit longer than DH to let go of the dream of having a child that was biologically both ours; it's a tough dream to let die. That being said, we're both solidly on board and eager to just be parents. Life is full of 'what ifs', that include 'what if I didn't wait so long to try for a baby?' 'what if I had pushed for ART sooner?'; ahh, the list goes on and on. But while I may fall off the wagon once in a while, I really don't dwell on what may have been, very often. Yesterday was one of those 'what if' days but we're good now. Thanks for listening
Well, off to drink another gallon of water and tackle the cleanup
Adriana
 
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Re: Embryo donation! Let's talk!

Postby Barbara11 on 10 Oct 2014, 15:33

Adriana! I am glad today was better for you. Sounds like a cool party. I believe that's enough to lift spirits sometimes. I'm also really glad that you are comfortable. You have with the direction you're heading. As least most of the time like the rest of us. I can't believe it's been a whole year since your last IVF. I understand that would be frustrating. But don’t give up. I too think about all the what ifs. What if we had tried earlier? What if we had married earlier? Why do our eggs just all of a sudden go to crap anyway? I mean seriously. A few years ago they were just fine and now they are past their expiration date?! Maybe someday the science will be good enough to pick the 'right' eggs or the 'right' embryos for transfer. So we don't have to be heart-broken like this. It's not just the emotional pain either. Where else can you go where you give someone $15,000 or some other ridiculously huge amount of money and they may or may not give you something in return?! Ah well, I'm getting a bit stressed since this is my second (and last) attempt with eggs from my donor. And my beta is this week. I'm trying to be so positive. That’s why that I don't have a plan B. Oh the week could go really well . . . or not. Here's hoping for the best for all of us. The more we hope the more we get ;) .
Barbara11
 
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Re: Embryo donation! Let's talk!

Postby Adriana on 13 Oct 2014, 11:23

Barbara, you seem to have a wry sense of humour; I always get a chuckle out of your posts. I figure if I didn't laugh at my situation now and then, I'd probably end up in the loony bin LOL. You're right - it seems so bizarre to hand over big piles of money for DE or IVF in general and then sit back and say "gee, hope this works!". Geez...enough about me...how are you feeling? When's your beta this week? I'm sure you're on tenterhooks...fingers crossed for you.
I hear you on not having a plan B. We've determined that we'll give DE a shot and try 1 fresh and maybe 1 frozen cycle then we're done. It seems so final, yet, somehow 'good' to know that there's a finite limit to what we're going to put ourselves through. Yes, during the past year on the surface a lot hasn't happened physically but we've managed to tackle a lot of the emotional issues that got shoved under the carpet while we were dealing with our IVF. So, in a way, the past year has been a good time for contemplation.
Let us know how you're doing and I'll be hoping for a nice, fat beta number for you.
Adriana
 
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Joined: 09 Oct 2014, 13:29

Re: Embryo donation! Let's talk!

Postby Barbara11 on 13 Oct 2014, 14:00

I decided to do the hpt today. That’s why I wouldn't lose it at work on Wed if the beta came back negative. I was really psyched up for the positive and wammo BFN. I really want to say BFFN. Can I say that here? Oh crap.I was sooooo sure that we would make it. We got 1 fresh and 1 frozen out of our donor eggs. I cannot believe the luck. We have to go back to the drawing board for a new donor, new cycle, and new torture if we want another shot at it. Darn it, darn it, darn it!!!!!!!!!There is a teeny tiny itsy bitsy possibility. Its wrong so of course I cannot go drown my sorrows in a big bottle of wine. And I am involuntarily clinging with my last sane brain cell to that hope. I'm also spending my whole evening working which is just super. I know you will really think I'm nuts when I tell you. I'm also really upset that the birds ate all my concord grapes TODAY of all DAYS! I've been waiting 4 years for those grapes and was finally going to get some. One of my favorite things in the world. Checked em yesterday - looking good. Oh yeah, and believing I was pregnant. But no, the doggone birds ate every last one today. We need some better emoticons for how we really feel at times like this. Reading the boards about some other people's fantastic good news actually helps. It helps me to remember that there is no evil master plan to keep us from success. And that maybe, just maybe I need to let it be. Accept what is and decide what's next. I need to not torment myself with all the things you said a couple of days ago about what if . . . what if I were 10 years younger, what if I had endless, what if I had a crystal ball. And I knew when to struggle. I hope and fight and when to accept what is without feeling like a failure and getting depressed. This whole ART process is so totally difficult. Anywho, hope your optimism is holding up this week. Keep us posted on your next steps. Thanks for asking how things are, sorry for yelling.
Barbara11
 
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