Great solution!

Great solution!

Postby Mandy123 on 04 Sep 2014, 10:07

Hello, girls! I would like to share my story. The thing is that I understand how much the information is important for people who just try to start their way of surrogacy. When I was frustrated and disappointed I needed so much help and support from the experienced couples. It is not a problem to find the information in internet. But it is a real problem to settle this information. It is a real problem to separate the truth from the advertisement. Also it is very rarely when you can find negative information about clinic in internet. When I was looking for some clinics, I found just adds. Then I started to communicate on the forums. It was very useful, cause real experienced couples tried to help. I was very emotional and I couldn’t control myself. It was seemed like the solution of my problems was so far away from me. The cost of the programs were impossible for me. We had not so much money. And I thought it was so unfair that I should not spend this money directly for the child. But I made a lot of the mistakes during my surrogacy journey(( I spent a lot of time for visiting inappropriate countries. And I spent a lot of money for wrong choices. First of all I would like to share my diagnosis. I have infertile uterus. So from the young age I was ready to deal with infertility. But when I fell in love I started to feel the parental feelings. It was unbearable. I understood that I can’t have children, but I couldn’t shut up my heart. My husband understood what he did when he took me as a wife. But I was changed. I was always nervous. I was crying very often.
I stopped communicating with our friends who had children or with those who were pregnant. My hubby noticed that something wrong happened with me. When I told him the truth, he tried to calm me down and told that he would do everything to make me a mother. He spent time looking for the solution. And once he told me that the only solution for us is surrogacy. If everything is ok with my eggs, it was possible to make me a biological mother. We visited doctor and made the whole medical examination. We were so happy to know that I can be biological mother. From that moment we started to fight for our child. The way was not simple. It would be so good if somebody could help me and protect from the mistakes. But we were alone in that fighting. I just want to tell if I can help somebody with good advice or support, I would be very happy to do it.
Mandy123
 
Posts: 20
Joined: 10 Jun 2014, 15:08

Re: Great solution!

Postby Barba on 04 Sep 2014, 11:09

Hi, Mandy! So sorry that you had to overcome it without any support! If I only could help. But I need a help. I am in the same situation as you were. I think everything is ok with you now. Do you have a child? I can only imagine how happy you are. And it is very encouraging. Now I am at the very beginning. I am at the stage of looking for a clinic. I would so much appreciate if you help me and share your experience. My diagnosis is severe endometriosis. You told that you were ready for infertility. But I didn’t and I had a hope that I overcome it. I spent my money and time for the treatment of my endometriosis. I tried everything I could. I even tried the leeches) It was disgusting)) I used it for a month, I am very naïve) I tried homeopathy and hormonal treatment. I had also done laparoscopy. But all my attempts to treat it were failed. I didn’t notice how I lost my youth trying to do wrong impossible things. When I visited a doctor I learnt that I lost a possibility to have my biological child. The only option for me is surrogacy and donation of donor’s eggs. Together with my husband we were so deeply in despair(( But we got a grip of ourselves and started to find options. I am very lucky to find your post. Together with my husband we think about India, cause for US we definitely have no money. And I don’t think that this cost is really reasonable. As I know their success rate is not so high. It is near 30%. I don’t understand why people go for surrogacy in USA. To go for rest you can go everywhere you want. But we should think first about success. I know that India is not popular of its service. But it is not the most important. I know that have high success rate. But one more thing which stop me about India is that the donors in India of Hindu race. We have nothing against people of other nationalities. But still we wanted child to be like us, as far as possible in this case. Maybe you know something useful about India. Have you been there?
Barba
 
Posts: 3
Joined: 10 Jun 2014, 15:06

Re: Great solution!

Postby Mandy123 on 04 Sep 2014, 11:43

Hello, Barba! I am very sorry you have to struggle of infertility. But you should be brave. Don’t give up and you will reach your aims. First of all I want to advise you read as more information as possible, visit different sites, forums. Only this way you will get the whole picture. What I can say about India. We visited this country first of all. We were as you attracted of their rating. And their low cost was a big bonus for us. We chose reproductive medicine clinic that is in Anand city. There we were met by a kind woman, who was a clinic director. She told us that all their donors are faith worthy. None of them smoke, drink alcohol or take drugs. Medical program takes place under doctors’ control and in accordance with all norms. But you are very right concerning the Hindu race. We were considering it too. But still we wanted child to be like us, as far as possible in this case. We have taken note of the Indian clinic. But if to be honest we had another reasons not to choose Indian clinic. I met some couples, who told me some horrible stories. I don’t want to judge and tell that India is a bad choice for surrogacy. But I am sure that couples should be serious and careful making a choice. This problem is not about money. Of course prices are very attractive. But some legends about India are not without a purpose. As other couples said, it is not truth that donors and surrogates are checked in a proper way. Most of them have infections, which they transfer to the unborn child. Donors also can have diseases and infections. Some of them can have genetic mutations which affect the child. Moreover if consider surrogate mothers, they don’t live in a good condition. They are very poor and don’t spend money for needed food and vitamins. Very often in India they give birth to ill children. I don't know how much it is true. But I am not so risky. You should be very careful with such countries. Think twice before going in India.
Mandy123
 
Posts: 20
Joined: 10 Jun 2014, 15:08

Re: Great solution!

Postby Arcoiris on 04 Sep 2014, 11:45

Hello, Mandy! I have seen your post and I couldn’t stay calm. I completely agree with you. Sometimes it is even hard to evaluate how information or advice can be important. Two years ago I arrived at the decision to undergo reproductive treatment. Due to my diagnosis I needed surrogacy with egg donation. I must confess how many doubts I had. Actually most doubts were ethical. I was not sure about my decision. It seemed to me very contradictory issue. But I couldn’t find another way out. I started looking for information about the possible options where it is legal. Then a lot of doubts appeared with the abundance of advertisings. I really saw amount of advertising. Every clinic or agency tried to demonstrate their service at the best way. All those advertisements were colorful with brilliant logos. It seems like a fairy tale. However, we didn’t forget that advertising was used to masterfully engage the mind of the people to motivate them to use their services. You can find so many promises. But who knows if it is truth. Also I tried to read the stories shared by different people. I was surprised that so many people were seeking information concerning the clinics in the forums on the Internet. I was in contact with some couples who had the same problems. During several months I was looking where I could have surrogacy with egg donation. But opinions differ. Personally for me it was hard to define which clinic should be chosen. Moreover, I was very afraid of failures. Sometimes the nightmares haunted me. I couldn’t sleep well. I feel if I failed I would not have more efforts for another attempts. It seems to be that failures could break me. I was very scared to think about negative results. But I am sure that it is better to read information before. You have a chance to compare it in order to be more aware. The useful advice can help you to prevent from some mistakes. All of us understand how such programs are expensive and stressful. You need to possess so much patience efforts to overcome all the process. In any case it is very important to inquiry some information. In advance you can be aware about some difficulties or peculiarities. I think the personal experience is the most valuable thing. Can you tell me where did you have tries? What impressions do you have? I am very curious about your story.
Arcoiris
 
Posts: 12
Joined: 10 Jun 2014, 15:06

Re: Great solution!

Postby Barba on 04 Sep 2014, 12:11

Hi, Arcoiris! I am very sorry. Always when I meet infertile woman I become very angry. I don’t understand why we had to deal with that!!! But did you succeed, Arcoiris? Did you find the right clinic? How many failures did you have? What clinics did you visit before your final circle? I am so sorry I ask so many questions… But you have a great experience and I am at the very beginning( I think you do a great thing that share your experience with girls like me. When you tell about your feelings, I can find myself in all your words. I guess all infertile women have different perception of life. Our parental feelings are so escalated. That’s why all of your and your stories are so native for me. I am so appreciate for your help and support. I understand that all things you share here is very private and it is not simple to open yourself.
Barba
 
Posts: 3
Joined: 10 Jun 2014, 15:06

Re: Great solution!

Postby Barba on 04 Sep 2014, 12:12

Mandy I am really shocked of the information you have about India. You know, we were thinking very seriously about that country… And now I even don’t know where to go next. It is very unfair. Of course I will never be able to trust the health of my future baby people who are so disparaging to the health examination. I know that won’t overcome If I have ill baby. Of course I will never leave him or her. But no one deserves this tragedy.
Barba
 
Posts: 3
Joined: 10 Jun 2014, 15:06

Re: Great solution!

Postby Arcoiris on 04 Sep 2014, 12:54

Hello, Barba! Yes, I have the same opinion concerning India. It is rather dangerous to do treatment there. The donors must be healthy and well checked. But looking at their surrogate mother we can’t conclude it. Thus there is no guarantee that the child will be healthy, too. And all of us pray for healthy baby. Also there are significant changes in baby registration. People that come for surrogacy from other countries must present permission from their country. But this document doesn’t have any logic. Surrogacy is illegal in most countries. People don’t have so many options to take. In some countries only altruistic surrogacy is permitted. So I cant understand why such innovation was taken. It will damage Indian surrogacy industry for sure. Many couples are obliged to reject taking part in surrogacy programs in India. And I fully understand them. The intended parents wouldn’t be able to register their baby in their motherland. They would suffer the long problematic trials. For sure they would spend a lot of money for advocates and so on. I am even scared to imagine it. You would have fights for your baby not only before its birth but long tome after it. In general I don’t trust surrogacy programs in Asian countries. There are so many pitfalls you wouldn’t even predict. After undergoing my difficult way I try to follow the latest news about surrogacy. I go on reading the articles about surrogacy. I was very shocked about the latest news in Thailand. I am talking about the story with Baby Gammy. I am sure that the clinic or agency is guilty. But now poor surrogate mother takes care of the baby. The poor conditions of Asian counties provokes women, young women to do such step as surrogacy. But majority of them even do not realize how difficult it is, even how many difficulties it conceal. Surrogate mothers do not have an appropriate medical treatment. They do no have rights, they are like blind kittens. With such attitude to surrogate mothers the surrogacy industry in Thailand is coming to the end. As for me I think it is the same with Indian surrogate mothers. That scandal with surrogate mother wouldn’t pass without a trace. Now Thailand stops US and Australian couples leaving with surrogate babies. But these parents are not guilty. None of them could predict such consequences. And not they have to suffer due to the situation. All this I’ve mentioned in order to emphasize about the importance of transparency of laws.This transparency must be as for parents as for surrogate mothers. Surrogate mothers must be aware about their rights, too. They are too important. Otherwise, who would like to go to a country that it is impossible to leave. It is better to go to a country where there are no problems with legislation. Until going think twice. Don’t do others mistake.
Arcoiris
 
Posts: 12
Joined: 10 Jun 2014, 15:06

Re: Great solution!

Postby Mandy123 on 04 Sep 2014, 13:07

I completely agree with you. Nobody deserves that tragedy. That’s why you should be very careful making a choice. India has some pros, but they can’t cover the cons. Low cost is not the final aim. You should have healthy child. It is the main thing you should remember. I don’t know about Thailand, but I think it is the same situation as in India. I have heard that some accident was happened some time ago. But one more country I visited was Mexico. That was not so far away so it suited me more. Together with my husband we decided to go and visit some clinics we chose. This journey was a big surprise for us. Do you know that in the state of Tabasco the surrogacy program is not only for traditional families, but also for homosexuals, the carriers of the AIDS virus/HIV and patients with viral hepatitis. Yes, this is Mexico. Surrogate mothers who are in the program, unfortunately, are not always checked properly. Not in all cases, they undergo a medical examination and testing. It entails a variety of diseases, malformations in the unborn child, complications with GS/childbirth, and much more. Any legally working and self-respecting clinic will never allow such violations. For me it is completely unacceptable! We went away from that country without any results. I was so upset. I dropped my hand. I need more time to settle all the information I have. We spent some money for travel in Mexico and it was our big mistake. It took much time to make myself calm down. It was a great disaster after Mexico. I felt like only cheaters were around me. The worst was that I didn’t want to continue all that journey. Husband proposed me adoption, but I couldn’t hear about it. I think that conversation woke me up. We decided to take a time break and go somewhere for rest. My husband made real second honey-moon)) He made me strong and gave me forces to continue with positive mood. You can be sure that positive attitude is the way to success)
Mandy123
 
Posts: 20
Joined: 10 Jun 2014, 15:08

Re: Great solution!

Postby Mandy123 on 04 Sep 2014, 13:49

Acroiris, you are right. Everything depends on legislation. Law should protect as clients as surrogate mothers. All of them have their rights. First of all it will be useful to learn the legislation of the country you will choose for surrogacy. It is very important to be protected by legislation. For example when I went in Russia I have no any ideas about their legislation base.
Mandy123
 
Posts: 20
Joined: 10 Jun 2014, 15:08

Re: Great solution!

Postby Mandy123 on 04 Sep 2014, 13:49

In the Russian Federation doctors argue that " you will not go back home without successful pregnancy". Russia was a distant and unknown country for us. Rumors of its underdevelopment and poor service walked over Internet networks and forums. Nevertheless we decided to take a chance. Level of service fades in comparison with possible parenthood. Having arrived in St. Petersburg, we did not see high European standards. But it was quite good. Our doctor, obstetrician-gynecologist listened to our history. She studied all medical records, conducted a number of tests and said: "Do not worry my dear, we will try our best. Everything will be ok!" We man up, psyched us up for success and started new treatment in Russia. Egg donor and I were stimulated in order to synchronize our menstrual cycles. Again and again I took hormonal drugs. I felt bad but had a firm belief in good result. After embryos transfer my husband prayed with bated breath. But ... that attempt was not successful as well. We were a bit disappointed and downhearted. All these torments, clinics in different countries and numerous failed attempts had been lasting for ten years. During this time I had took an incredible amount of hormonal medicines. I went through a lot of medical tests. And, frankly speaking, I was tired mentally and physically. But now I can say that it was good for me that I failed in Russia. Only after some time I had read legislation of Russia. I was shocked and impressed. It turns out that surrogate mother has much more rights than biological parents. If she wants she has a right to leave a child for herself. It is a good chance to pull out the money from biological parents. And as I know Russian girls do it too often.
Mandy123
 
Posts: 20
Joined: 10 Jun 2014, 15:08

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