Absolutely confused

Absolutely confused

Postby Cassy on 23 Sep 2014, 10:04

Hi all people here, happy and unhappy! I want to share my story and ask for advice or just a support. When I was 25, I got married and almost I got pregnant in a few months. We were very happy. But at the 2nd month I suffered a miscarriage. For us it was a great loss, stress, tears. In general, I cannot describe how this loss hurt. But calming down a little, we decided to try again. And I got pregnant, but after three months we lost our angel. It was very difficult to overcome and without any words we made a decision stop our attempts. So years have passed, we have traveled, improved living conditions. In my 30 years I had realized that we cannot temporize anymore and again we started our attempts. A year had passed, and pregnancy did not occur. We decided for medical examination and after many tests I was told a sentence - PCOS! They said I'd never be able to have children. For me it was like death. I even wanted to divorce in order hubby found a normal healthy wife. My husband said that we would try everything to have a child. We started looking for treatment options. We tried different treatment, hormonal and homeopathy, but nothing was worked. The last option was a donation. And again we faced the obstacles, because in my country this procedure is illegal. I began to search for information on clinics abroad and this has led me into total confusion. I can't even imagine what clinic to choose. They propose a lot of advantages, but what is the reality of the situation. How not to make a mistake?
Cassy
 
Posts: 4
Joined: 11 Sep 2014, 10:58

Re: Absolutely confused

Postby Cassy on 23 Sep 2014, 10:08

On top of everything else, I'm still scared to be alone in a foreign country, to deal with accommodation. So it's all very expensive. Prices for donation in the US is rather high, and know that many of girls need no one attempt to get pregnant. I'm afraid that I'll spend the money and will not receive anything, just miss out my chance. Therefore I'm afraid to get wrong with the clinic. I'm not rich enough to afford such luxury as countless attempts. I know that no one will give me a guarantee, and it doesn’t help. I understand the fact that clinics are different. Some time is needed to learn and settle all information on clinics. But time is short.
Cassy
 
Posts: 4
Joined: 11 Sep 2014, 10:58

Re: Absolutely confused

Postby Manuela on 23 Sep 2014, 10:34

I completely understand your feelings. You know, most of us had already gone through all that troubles. The illegality of surrogacy make our life more complicated. You are right concerning accommodation and everything foreigner need abroad. It takes a lot of money and time to deal with it. Moreover language barrier irritates very much. I can tell you that first of all you should be very calm. You need a time to settle all the information. If you are nervous it will be difficult to reach positive results. You should go in clinic with positive attitude. I checked it on me) When I was nervous and always crying, my child didn’t want to come. I think the negative result was also my fault. Moreover, you have a chance to carry your child) It is much more other infertile women have. It is very hard to deal with surrogacy and understand that other woman is a mother for your child for 9 months. Pregnancy is a special experience which a woman should have. But I didn’t. If you want I can share my experience with you. I don’t know if you were somewhere or not for treatment. But don’t judge me strictly) it is my own experience and it can differ from others.
Manuela
 
Posts: 1
Joined: 10 Jun 2014, 15:01

Re: Absolutely confused

Postby Cassy on 23 Sep 2014, 11:32

Manuela, thank you for your support) It is very nice of you to share your private experience. I appreciate it so much. I know what you are talking about. I realize how important to be calm and have positive attitude. But I am too emotional person and sometimes I have panic attacks. It is a foreign unknown country and I am scared of cheaters. It is very easy to trick foreigners. I had experience in Mexico only. And I was very shocked and impressed with all I learnt there and all I overcame. By the way only thanks to my panic I stopped the process and went away of that country)) That was awful trip and surrogacy there I guess is a big fraud at the governmental level. It was the first option I found. That was very attractive. The cost was low. And we decided it was what we needed. After visiting Mexico I have got panic attacks. Thanks God, I was clever enough to stop this journey in time. Blinded by possible happiness couples sometimes forget about safety precautions in such cases. In the state of Tabasco surrogacy program is conducted not only for traditional families, but also for representatives of sexual minorities, the carriers of the AIDS virus/HIV and patients with viral hepatitis. Yes, this is Mexico, and Thailand. Surrogate mothers who are in the program, unfortunately, are not always checked properly. Not in all cases, they undergo a medical examination and testing. It entails a variety of diseases, mutations in the unborn child, complications GS/childbirth, and much more. Any legally working and self-respecting clinic will never allow such violations. Of course, in Mexico you can save a few thousand dollars. Here surrogacy can be offered for 7-8 thousand dollars. But it is only visual side of the payments. They will also propose you to pay extra fees. But, as we all know, saving money, we don’t get always a qualitative result. And especially when it comes to health and life of your future, the long-awaited child. Experts always warn those who are going in the centers of reproductive medicine - beware and do not buy low cost medical services! To earn money on the problems of infertile people, as the state of Tabasco does, the law does not legally prohibit. But, don't let it do with you. There is a list of tests that a surrogate mother must do before engaging in the program. The observance of all norms and rules is your extra guarantee that the child will be in good conditions for 9 months.
Cassy
 
Posts: 4
Joined: 11 Sep 2014, 10:58

Re: Absolutely confused

Postby Martha on 23 Sep 2014, 11:55

I feel so sorry for you! You know infertility is a common problem of nowadays. And not at once people realize that they have such problems. The journey into infertility is like an unexpected trial for many couples. Unfortunately, your case is not an exception. You are not guilty that you couldn’t have children. I think this fact has to make you stronger. You shouldn’t doubt in yourself. Your husband seems to be a very reliable man. He didn’t leave you. He still supports you and helps you. That is very essential thing. I am sure that his attitude towards your problems is worthful. And you together will be able to overcome any obstacles on your way. I was as depressed as you are. My husband and I also couldn’t conceive. You wouldn’t believe. But I had PCOS, too. I would spend nights crying about this. I felt miserable and useless. I felt like everything I was doing was just wrong. However, we overcame it. Now my husband and I are raising a beautiful daughter. Actually I know many couple who faced infertility problems, too. The most important thing is keep together. The miracles happen. Even infertile couples could have children. We live in a modern world. There are so many opportunities. You just need use your chance and believe in better. In any case you shouldn’t give up. You should be strong and be confident in happy end of your story. You should be prepared that it is not an easy way against infertility. Perhaps you will not achieve success at once. Perhaps it will take years. Just remember that you are worth being mother. As for me I also had not a short way. Personally for me it was hard to find the clinic, the doctor. There are a lot of advertisements of clinics and agencies on the internet. It is even abundance of it. They are very similar. All of them are brilliant with promising logos.Though there are a lot of frauds among them. You shouldn’t forget while you are looking. The clinic must have not only colorful ad but good reputation, too. I also noticed that a lot of people are seeking information concerning the clinics in the forums on the Internet. It is rather difficult to choose the good one. Because there may be hidden circumstances. While looking through we had a lot of doubts and worries. I am sure that it is better to get good advice that has already passed through the treatment. Have you have heard abut Happy Family? It is some kind of volunteer organization. They are non-profit. So they wouldn’t press you to choose the exact clinic. I am sure that it is a little opportunity to find such kind of organization. This organization works on a voluntary basis. It doesn’t belong to any government or company. This organization is dedicated to the infertility issues. I haven’t used it. Because when I was looking for the clinic I didn’t know about its existence. However, I read a lot of recommendations about this organization. They can give you information concerning the clinics. They can send you prices, possible programs in different clinics. You will be able to compare the legal point in different countries, too. Don’t hesitate to write them, describe case,
Martha
 
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Joined: 09 Jul 2014, 13:35

Re: Absolutely confused

Postby Cassy on 23 Sep 2014, 13:56

Martha, may be for someone it is a common problem. But for me it is a big tragedy. My world was broken. And now I just try to live again. And the fact of my infertility doesn’t make me stronger. Maybe I am different. But it makes me feel so miserable and powerless. My husband is much more stronger than me) But I guess he also has his “finish”. He loves me very much, I know it. But he doesn’t deserve to live without children. And I haven’t the right to do it with him. I didn’t hear about such organization. I don’t want to use agencies. I don’t trust them. I think they have a profit and not very honest proposing service. As I understand you didn’t contact them. Are you sure that they are voluntary organization? And It is strange that they work without any profit. I want to deal only with clinic. And it should be completely legally.
Cassy
 
Posts: 4
Joined: 11 Sep 2014, 10:58

Re: Absolutely confused

Postby Martha on 23 Sep 2014, 16:12

I understand you Cassy. I just want to make you calm. You should believe in better. If you don’t think in positive result you will not gain any success. I would like to say that you are not alone with your problem. If you look around you will see that people overcome the problems. Infertility is the thing that you have to fight with.You should have strengths to fight with you disease. You should think about your husband. He loves you. That’s why you also don’t have to lose heart and endeavor for him. You both deserve to be parents. And you certainly will be. Yes, I am sure that they are voluntary organization. If I am not mistaken, this organization was founded by the woman that also had suffered infertility. I don’t use it because I didn’t know anything about it. I have come across it in one of the forum. And girls wrote that the information that the organization gives very useful info. I advice you to write to them in order to choose the clinic. They just send you comparable tables of the clinics. It can really help you. You don’t need to pay. Nowadays there are not so many things that you get gat free of charge. But the people who passed through the horrors of infertility just want to help the other ones. I haven’t seen your post concerning the previous experience in Mexico. I am very sorry that you had to pass through it. I also know unpleasant cases in Mexico. It is a high risk to do surrogacy there. Nasty stories of disorders and allegations of misconduct in the surrogacy industry in Mexico are common. Mexico follows Thailand and India. It is truth that there is a cheap price that is very attractive. But there are a lot of hidden risks. Before going to this country the people should be fully informed of the risks. My good friends went for surrogacy last year. They returned without a child and without money. I have a vague picture of the surrogacy industry. After listening to them I realize that they might very well find themselves in a situation where they were not only without child, but their life savings as well. That’s why I recommend you to write to Happy Family. They will indicate the possible risks. I am sure that everywhere you can find advantages and disadvantages. At least you will see what to expect. If I had known about this organization I would have avoid a lot of mistakes. Surrogacy is very contradictory issue. There are non-existent laws or lax enforcement of existing restrictions in many countries. They are done to create an illusion of safety in order to induce thousands of unsuspecting infertility patients. As a result they can’t help in baby registration. There are also stories that surrogates blackmail the intended parents. Or the agency does it. The legality of the process is very important point. The clinic or agency should help you to register the baby. It has to provide you with all the necessary documentation for baby to leave the country. You will need all that documentation to register the baby in your native country. I must say that it is a long and difficult procedure, too. You have to be aware about laws in your country. Anyway I am sure that you will not regret writing to Happy Family.
Martha
 
Posts: 5
Joined: 09 Jul 2014, 13:35

Re: Absolutely confused

Postby Kattie on 15 Dec 2014, 13:28

Hey Cassy, I totally share your feelings about such loss as health disease which ruins your dreams.
In my case, everything started with simple congenital disease, then varicosity and now my diagnosis is hemangioma (in the leg area, rising from the knee). My condition is getting worse when any kind of hormonal “boom” is coming (the most dangerous boom is brought with pregnancy or menopause). Evidently, for a woman it`s impossible to avoid menopause, so I can`t get pregnant in order to save my body, if not - I will be about to choose what to lose: my leg or my kid. Such a nice option my destiny makes me face!!!
I have been married for 2 years with a great man (who I got to know in high school!). These years we were trying not to touch the “our-own-baby” kinds of conversations, but it is impossible not to pay attention at this while noticing unhappiness of your beloved man… My husband works close to Primary School of our town, so that our neighbors, our good friends at the same time, usually ask him to bring their kids to school on his way. And he always does, cause it`s such a pleasure for him. He enjoys spending time with kids, and I feel even worse when I see how hard he misses being a father. I feel like I have ruined his life with my health problem. One day, I touched the divorce-topic, cause I couldn`t stand being a burden to this great man any more. But he didn`t want even to listen about divorce! He told me that our marriage is much stronger than all these problems and we have guts to go through all of these together. After that, we started to consider adoption, as an option. We found out as much as possible about the process and joined a huge “line” to adopt child from a different country. We got to know some couples who dealt with the same problem. These new meetings were supposed to make our life easier, but, in fact, it made it even more complicated: one couple have been waiting to adopt a child a long-long time…. Now it`s already 8 they`ve been waiting and still nothing. So it became a bit difficult to count on adoption. And when I was almost about to accept the fact that I am not fated to have a child, my husband came across one of those videos, where some woman is telling about her own experience of getting a child (the surrogate motherhood was what she had experienced). He came to me so inspired, the woman sounded so convincingly while describing all what she`d gone through with surrogacy process, that I started to believe that some day my hubby will be able to bring to school our own son. Since that very moment we totally gave our mind to surrogacy. We started to look for the best option possible. The price for it in our country is enormously high, so we started to compare. By the moment we decided in favour of Eastern Europe. I totally agree with you about the importance of service and guarantees, cause we always need guarantees in any case… So now my husband and I are trying to make one of the hardest decisions ever: what country and clinic to choose (the one which you are up to make as well). What I can tell you is that it will be great if you could find somebody who has already overcome it (as we are trying to do). So you will get a first-hand information about all the steps and possible difficulties. And, of course, some support, which, believe me, you will need a lot! You should realize that you`r not alone facing this kind of problem. There are a lot of people suffering from the same things, ready to share your problems. Some of them are lucky to have gone through it already, some are just on the beginning of their way (like me or you). But just don`t give up! Find enough strength to get over it and become the happiest mother ever!
Kattie
 
Posts: 6
Joined: 11 Dec 2014, 12:57

Re: Absolutely confused

Postby Mandy123 on 26 Jan 2015, 14:31

Hi, Cassy! Actually only you can solve your problems. You should just start to do something to make your dreams true. Girls here gave you good advices for starting. It is very difficult to settle information you gathered. If some organizations can help you try to contact. Communicate with couple, read news, but start to do something. You should make a decision concerning country, then try to decide with clinic. Actually you can go and visit a few clinics. I can recommend you to visit Ukraine. Their prices and medical treatment can satisfy you, I think) When I was in Biotexcom in Kiev, the cost for all inclusive package was 29900 euros. I don’t know for now, cause you know crisis can increase prices. You can call them or send email and manager will tell you the information. But they propose good service. For a low price for Europeans (29900) they propose unlimited attempts, accommodation in hotel or in private sector, meals. Actually everything you can desperately need abroad is included in package. Of course maybe you won’t meet so many smiles as in Europe, but it is not the most important. They give clients the chance for life, I mean children. So, take care yourself and be strong, you will need a lot of forces. If you need support and advice, I will be happy to help you.
Mandy123
 
Posts: 20
Joined: 10 Jun 2014, 15:08


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