Need advice!

Need advice!

Postby Nissa on 29 Oct 2014, 12:37

My husband and I got together late in life. We had met when I was around 23, fell out of touch and reconnected. We got married only 2 years ago. Due to my age, we discussed having children immediately. I was started on Clomid in late August and got pregnant right away. Unfortunately, I lost the baby early and have not been able to conceive since. We have been doing our basal temperatures, and taking the clomid, trying our best to conceive while trying to coordinate with my ovulation for over 2 years. This last two years have been extremely painful, with the realization that I might not get pregnant again. Also, having to deal with the anniversaries of my "due date" and the date that I miscarried. Earlier this week, I finally got in to a Fertility Clinic to see what could be done. My medical background, having adynomyosis, fibroids, and fibroid embolization (which was done 10 years ago) have made for a challenging route towards conceiving. According to my lab results I have less than 1% chance of conceiving on my own or with intervention. Due to my age and the state of my uterus, having another pregnancy has been lost to us. Our only options are adoption or surrogacy, I had discussed with someone close to hubby and I about surrogacy, never realizing that my own eggs would not factor in the equation. Infertility has completely impacted my life, seeing pregnant women out and about brings me the pain of never having this life experience that my soul has been yearning for, for years now. The knowing that even if we choose surrogacy or adoption, these children will never come from any part of me is breaking my heart. But I try to be fighter. Maybe someone can help me with advices.
Nissa
 
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Joined: 09 Oct 2014, 13:33

Re: Need advice!

Postby Curly on 29 Oct 2014, 13:39

I think our journey sounds like most couples diagnosed with unexplained infertility: Lots of sex, no baby; IUI, no baby; IVF, NO BABY! The IVF process was probably the worst experience I've ever had in my life. We were told that 7 embryos were doing their thing. and they were going to transfer one on day 5. While waiting for the transfer, some ignorant people had a kid at the clinic with them. At my clinic, they stuff you in little cubicles with curtains, so all we could here was this couple's kid... in a fertility clinic... surrounded by a gaggle of women who can't have children... really seems like those people were really sensitive to the fact that they were in a fertility clinic (sarcasm)! They were over 1.5 hours behind on my transfer day, so needless to say, I was uncomfortable waiting with my full bladder. If I had been told when we arrived that they were running behind, I would have corrected the situation! Approximately 5 seconds after the transfer, I was ousted out of the room. Perhaps my embryo would have had a better chance of survival if I had been allowed to relax after! Then I was ordered to sit down by one crabby nurse, who didn't even take the time to figure out who I was, or that I already had my transfer and was allowed to leave, so we sat...patiently... waiting for someone to come in and tell us if we could leave. 45 minutes later, I finally got up and asked! The following day, I got a call to give us our report on the remaining embryos. Apparently they forgot to mention when I was getting my transfer that 5 out of the 7 had arrested, 1 was viable for transfer and 1 was not viable for transfer, but they decided to leave it for one more day to see what would happen. Thankfully, that one little embryo turned it's socks up and, on day 6, was viable to freeze. Six days later, my period arrived... IVF FAILED! And after many similar tries(( Now I am fully disappointed and have no idea what to do and where to continue((
Curly
 
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Joined: 09 Oct 2014, 13:30

Re: Need advice!

Postby Agnes on 10 Dec 2014, 11:50

Hello Nissa and Curly!!! I understand your sufferings. But you had at least small opportunity to become pregnant… Unfortunately I don`t have even 1 % to feel the happiness of being pregnant . I want to share my story with you. My name is Agnes. I`m 32. I`m married for the second time but unfortunately we don`t have children. The problem is in me. We got divorced with the previous husband because of this. He was completely healthy. So I visited a lot of doctors. As it turned out I have premature menopause. It happened because of genetics. My mother told me that my grandmother`s sister had the same problem. A lot of years ago the medicine was not as highly developed as it is now. That`s why she had no children, her husband died at the age of 35 because of cancer. She spent the rest of her life alone. I don`t want to have the same fate. I decided to do everything to become a mother. The doctors told me that I have only two ways out: adoption or surrogacy. When my first husband got to know about this, he refused at once. I was shocked. We had constant quarrels and scandals. And this all lead to our divorce. But I didn`t give up. Firstly I decided to visit some orphanages and to decide whether I`m ready to adopt someone`s child. I visited some of them and I understood that I`m not ready for this. It was unacceptable for me to choose the child. I wanted to help them all and I was defeated because of the fact that I can`t. I almost abandoned hope. After a divorce I didn`t even think of new relations but once my friend invited me to her birthday party and there I met Nick. He was so attentive to me, he invited me on a date. Firstly I had doubts but my friend persuaded me to agree. Everything happened very fast. I did not even notice how he asked me to marry. I loved him but I didn`t want to make him unhappy because of my infertility. But he said that he is not against the surrogacy. Moreover he is healthy and in this case the child will be his genetically. We got married and began to gather all the information about surrogacy. We found a lot of different variants. The prices vary so much that we were puzzled. Moreover the laws in different countries also vary. We couldn`t even think that there are so many clinics of reproductive medicine all over the world. Now we are confused. Time goes by really fast and we don`t even know what country choose.
Agnes
 
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Joined: 09 Jul 2014, 13:48

Re: Need advice!

Postby Mandy123 on 10 Dec 2014, 15:01

Hi girls! I am so sorry to you((( I become really upset when I see how many girls suffer of infertility. But you, girls, should be very brave and ready for everything despite the fact how difficult or even impossible it is. All of you need to choose the correct clinic, cause mistakes cost very expensive. And I mean not only your money. With every failure you will lose the part of yourself. I overcame all of those troubles. Nissa, I even cannot find the words to support you. I cannot imagine your feelings… It is a big tragedy to lose children(( I couldn’t feel my child inside. I have never had a chance to be pregnant and it is my own big tragedy and even now it is difficult to accept that fact. But you are completely right, you must be a fighter, you haven’t another choice. Girls, first of all you should be calm. Positive attitude is also not the last thing on the way of achieving a positive result. Of course you should have enough information before making a choice. If you are interested in clinic, try to find reviews, try to find couples who had experience in that clinic. Find as much information as possible. It is very important to know and use the experience of others. I have a great experience, I went in different countries for surrogacy programs. I can tell you only my opinion. I am not an expert, but I have some mistakes and thoughts. As for me, the greatest mistake of couples who look for surrogacy is India. It is the worst country for surrogacy. There is very difficult sanitary situation in India. An Indian style of life is not for birthing children. Surrogates aren’t checked properly. And their legislation prohibits ultrasound. That’s why they cannot prevent the birthing of children with genetic diseases. And do you know how many injection should you do before going in India? All of that infections your future child can have. Surrogate mothers in India are very poor, they don’t get enough vitamins for development of the child in the womb. And a lot of other reasons… For example, if you need donor, they can provide with a donor of Hindu race. I am sure that India is a bad choice. I think it is even dangerous for your health just to visit India. The second worst country for surrogacy I opened for myself was Mexico. Blinded by possible happiness couples sometimes forget about safety precautions in such cases. In the state of Tabasco surrogacy program is conducted not only for traditional families, but also for representatives of sexual minorities, the carriers of the AIDS virus/HIV and patients with viral hepatitis. Yes, this is Mexico, and Thailand. Surrogate mothers who are in the program, unfortunately, are not always checked properly. Not in all cases, they undergo a medical examination and testing. It entails a variety of diseases, mutations in the unborn child, complications GS/childbirth, and much more. Any legally working and self-respecting clinic will never allow such violations. Of course, in Mexico you can save a few thousand dollars. Here surrogacy can be offered for 7-8 thousand dollars. But it is only visual side of the payments. They will also propose you to pay extra fees. But, as we all know, saving money, we don’t get always a qualitative result. And especially when it comes to health and life of your future, the long-awaited child. Experts always warn those who are going in the centers of reproductive medicine - beware and do not buy low cost medical services! To earn money on the problems of infertile people, as the state of Tabasco does, the law does not legally prohibit. But, don't let it do with you. There is a list of tests that a surrogate mother must do before engaging in the program. The observance of all norms and rules is your extra guarantee that the child will be in good conditions for 9 months. In the Russian Federation doctors assure you in positive result. Russia was a distant and unknown country for us. Rumors of its underdevelopment and poor service walked over Internet networks and forums. Nevertheless we decided to take a chance. Level of service fades in comparison with possible parenthood. Having arrived in St. Petersburg, we did not see high European standards. But it was quite good. Our doctor, obstetrician-gynecologist listened to our history. She told us that she can cope with our problem. We man up, psyched us up for success and started new treatment in Russia. But ... that attempt was not successful as well. We were a bit disappointed and downhearted. All these torments, clinics in different countries and numerous failed attempts had been lasting for ten years. But now I can say that it was good for me that I failed in Russia. Only after some time I had read legislation of Russia. I was shocked and impressed. It turns out that surrogate mother has much more rights than biological parents. If she wants she has a right to leave a child for herself. It is a good chance to pull out the money from biological parents. And as I know Russian girls do it too often. Don't believe in prices in Russia)) It is some bad frauds! There are a lot of hidden fees. And finally you can be very impressed with the cost. It will be not much less than in USA. I know a little their mentality. Cause my husband had business with Russians. I can say that they are not so kind people and not honest. It is the nation of cheaters as for me. They always try to earn money dishonestly. As for service in Ukraine. It is not so pleasant thing) The problem is that European people used to live another way. And we have very different mentality I understand people who complain on Ukraine and clinics, cause it is hard to understand their style of life and service. And I know that the native Ukrainians get much worst service than foreigners. Just I don't want to complain much, because thanks for them I have a child. It was the only thing I dreamt about) But it was hard to live Ukrainian style)) But I want say that despites of that if i will decide to have one more child, I will go only in Biotexcom. And I am ready to go through it one more time)
Mandy123
 
Posts: 20
Joined: 10 Jun 2014, 15:08

Re: Need advice!

Postby Agnes on 10 Dec 2014, 15:46

Thanks Mandy 123))) Your information is really useful for me. I didn`t know a lot about such countries as Mexico, Thailand, Russia and India. Mandy, my husband and I would like to get more information about BioTexCom. Unfortunately I don`t know much about Ukraine. What are the peculiarities of Ukrainian people??? What shocked you the most? What about the staff? Are they professionals or not? Did they pay enough attention to you? Did they actually care about your health? What`s the price? Where did you live? What about the surrogates? Who choses them? Whether ultrasound is allowed or not?
Agnes
 
Posts: 21
Joined: 09 Jul 2014, 13:48

Re: Need advice!

Postby Mandy123 on 12 Dec 2014, 14:55

Actually in Ukraine there are a lot of cons. I am talking about service. But what is interesting that every their problem has two sides)) They have really huge lines in clinic, it is unbearable, we hadn’t patience to wait so long. We were hungry and tired. I wanted to cry, really. But the same time those lines meant that clinic is trust worthy. And we were waiting…for hours) Clinic is very uncomfortable, it is very little and there was no free place to sit and rest a little. Only imagine, we were sitting on the stairs and not only we) The place where we lived was very noisy, many children, they were crying, couples were talking loudly. The biggest adventure of clinic was our manager. She is very attentive girl. She wasn’t obsessive, but she was always near. Only when I started to look for her, she appeared near and answered all our questions. I can assure you that staff is very professional. They just need more place and more staff to provide more comfortable service. I haven’t any claims to the treatment, I was completely satisfied with it. They really know what they do and how to achieve positive results. Managers have special moral strategy for achieving positive result and try to teach everyone how to behave) The price as for me is very low comparing with other clinics. It is only 29900 euro for unlimited attempts, meals, transportation in Kiev, translator, accommodation, treatment, medication, consultations and so on. I didn’t find any more clinics which provide such programs. As for surrogates we hadn’t chance to choose her. Doctor told us, that we can choose surrogate taking in account only her appearance. It doesn’t matter how she looks like. She hasn’t any genetic relations with a child. But the important thing for bearing a child is health and medical indications. And only doctor can check it. So we should only trust clinic and our doctor. And it was right decision, they chose very good surrogate mother. And I want to say that Ukrainian girls are very beautiful. And finally, ultrasound is allowed)) Ukraine is not India) They do ultrasound every month and provide clients with photos and video. In such way they monitor a health of surrogate mother.
Mandy123
 
Posts: 20
Joined: 10 Jun 2014, 15:08

Re: Need advice!

Postby Agnes on 15 Dec 2014, 15:21

Thanks a lot for your answers!!! Actually your answers confused me a little bit. I`m sure that all the procedures would make us worry and these lines… They would make us even more nervous and it may influence the results of those tests. Is there a possibility of prerecord? I think such clinics should practice this. And even the results would become better if they get rid of the lines. Unfortunately I didn`t understand you a little bit. You wrote that the meals are included into the price of the package. Why were you hungry in the clinic? Isn`t there a canteen or something like this? And you know I can`t produce my own eggs because of premature menopause. Is it possible for us to choose the surrogate mother? Our child would be genetically connected with her. Her appearance is important. And I want to see her and to get as much information about her as possible. I want the surrogacy to be really similar to me, it is important personally for me. I was happy to get to know that the ultrasound is allowed))) Is it possible to be present during these ultrasound checks? I want to see everything with my own eyes. Should I pay extra money for this? If yes, how much?
Agnes
 
Posts: 21
Joined: 09 Jul 2014, 13:48

Re: Need advice!

Postby Mirela on 15 Mar 2019, 14:04

The possibility of ART not working ever was like a stab in my chest that wouldn't leave. That time around I was going at it with acupuncture, diet change, etc. I was blocking out the past failure and mc as much as possible. I had no words to help myself do that so unfortunately I had none understanding around me. However, I am here sharing my experience. All of us are always trying to have a normal daily life with these pressures breaking our backs. It's completely limbo- that saying of "You made a plan, God laughed" comes into play- things like buying a home for our children in a year or so- well... then it was becoming maybe we wouldn't ever be able to have any. That's less house to be needed. Which is great if someone just wants to look at it from a money stance but, it's a hole- a massive hole- to think of our lives never having children. It was just making me crazy!! As a natural optimist I thought IVF would be relatively straight forward. It was an opinion that didn’t last long though.. One unsuccessful IVF cycle was enough to crush the idealist in me. I was naïve and uninformed in equal measure.. - It’s a complex process!! I learnt very quickly. Costs about $8K later to get through a full IVF cycle. It is almost a miracle to believe you'll succeed after#1. Or at least it felt like this for me. I had multiple false starts. I also had many cancelled cycles. Lazy, underperforming ovaries meant that egg pick up didn’t necessarily equal eggs when it came to my rodeo show. I remember waking up from the anaesthetic. I desperately hoped that the nurse would tell me that I got some perfect egg.. In the early stages of IVF (Probably my first year of treatments) I was always very hopeful for more than one egg!! (Three perfect ones was my record) but after having a couple cycles failed (I was not getting any eggs at pick up) I soon appreciated the value in the statement 'It only takes one.' I also learnt not to compare myself to someone else. Like someone in the next bed waking up to hear they got 9 or 14 eggs!! Quite soon afterwards we found ourselves abroad, in Ukraine, BioTex applying for surrogacy..
Mirela
 
Posts: 35
Joined: 19 Nov 2015, 16:33

Re: Need advice!

Postby Mirela on 15 Mar 2019, 14:08

Agnes wrote:Thanks a lot for your answers!!! Actually your answers confused me a little bit. I`m sure that all the procedures would make us worry and these lines… They would make us even more nervous and it may influence the results of those tests. Is there a possibility of prerecord? I think such clinics should practice this. And even the results would become better if they get rid of the lines. Unfortunately I didn`t understand you a little bit. You wrote that the meals are included into the price of the package. Why were you hungry in the clinic? Isn`t there a canteen or something like this? And you know I can`t produce my own eggs because of premature menopause. Is it possible for us to choose the surrogate mother? Our child would be genetically connected with her. Her appearance is important. And I want to see her and to get as much information about her as possible. I want the surrogacy to be really similar to me, it is important personally for me. I was happy to get to know that the ultrasound is allowed))) Is it possible to be present during these ultrasound checks? I want to see everything with my own eyes. Should I pay extra money for this? If yes, how much?

I think I can help. I've already posted this on another threads. Hope my messages will help you to get more insight.
The very first thing to do is to check things out on http://mother-surrogate.info/services/. It says~
''All services provided by Biotexcom clinic, both surrogacy and egg donation programs, have perfect balance of price and quality. The outstanding peculiarity of all our packages is “all-inclusive” basis. Depending on the package you choose, you can be provided with all or some of the following services:
Unlimited number of attempts. Our main principle is guaranteed result. It means that in case of failure we’ll be trying again and again until we get the desired result and you travel back home with long-awaited baby. It’s already covered by your contract and doesn’t require any extra fees.
All relevant medical examinations. Whatever medical examinations you need within your program, they all are covered by your contract. Even if you have already been examined in other clinics and the reason of unsuccessful treatment wasn’t determined, we will do extra checkups in order to make treatment effective and get the desired result.
Medications and all medical expenses. All our packages include all medications for hormonal stimulation in framework of your program, vitamins, medical expenses and services of medical staff.
Legal service: assisting in getting all documents in civil status registry office and embassy, translations, lawyer service, assisting of a manager at all stages of your program, etc.
Our legal service department and Spanish speaking manager will assist you in getting all needed documents, medical and civil birth certificate, notary legalization, genetic testing and baby’s passport as quick as possible.
Accommodation. All our clients stay in comfortable apartments and are provided with housemaid, cook and babysitter. Our attendant staff speaks English. The only thing that depends upon the type of package you choose is how large your apartment will be and if you will share it with other couples or stay separately.
Meals. There will be a cook who cooks dishes according to your tastes: home cuisine, fresh farm products and balanced menu with no limitations – every day throughout your program.
Transportation. Biotexcom has its own car fleet with drivers who know the peculiarities of clinic’s work and your transportation.
Large base of egg donors and surrogate mothers. Each day we examine up to 200 candidates who want to donate their eggs, and only 20% of them comply with our strict requirements to prospective egg donors’ physical and psychological health, age, having at least one healthy child restriction, and of course – pleasant appearance. Our donor base has an outstanding advantage – you have an opportunity to choose donor on your own. Thus, you are provided with her photos, video interview and 3D photo on which you can see your donor from different angles. Our donor base is one of the largest in the world. It enables us to start program just after signing up contract with no wasting time on searching for a donor.
DNA test. In order to get a baby’s passport, you need to prove genetic relation to the baby. There is a special procedure of DNA testing in the embassy in order to prove it.
PGD. It is a genetic testing performed to the embryo prior to the implantation. You can make sure that embryos are healthy or determine the gender of embryos.
Pediatrician supervision. When your baby is born, there will be a qualified and skilled pediatrician to take care of your baby’s health. He will teach you the basis of newborn’s care and will call on you regularly during all your stay in Ukraine.
Baby basket. You will get a baby basket with all stuff needed for your baby during his or her first days: clothes, bottles, pacifiers and baby formula.
Babysitter and housemaid. There will be a housemaid who is familiar with newborn care. Thus, she will be there to help you with the baby at any time of day and night, and if needed – she will help you contact the necessary specialist in the clinic.''
All the contracts are in PDF, so that you can download each one and read carefully for details. :ugeek:
Mirela
 
Posts: 35
Joined: 19 Nov 2015, 16:33

Re: Need advice!

Postby Mirela on 15 Mar 2019, 14:11

Agnes wrote:Thanks a lot for your answers!!! Actually your answers confused me a little bit. I`m sure that all the procedures would make us worry and these lines… They would make us even more nervous and it may influence the results of those tests. Is there a possibility of prerecord? I think such clinics should practice this. And even the results would become better if they get rid of the lines. Unfortunately I didn`t understand you a little bit. You wrote that the meals are included into the price of the package. Why were you hungry in the clinic? Isn`t there a canteen or something like this? And you know I can`t produce my own eggs because of premature menopause. Is it possible for us to choose the surrogate mother? Our child would be genetically connected with her. Her appearance is important. And I want to see her and to get as much information about her as possible. I want the surrogacy to be really similar to me, it is important personally for me. I was happy to get to know that the ultrasound is allowed))) Is it possible to be present during these ultrasound checks? I want to see everything with my own eyes. Should I pay extra money for this? If yes, how much?

So what you should expect with BioTex whilst undergoing surrogacy plan.~The initial consultation is to be scheduled at least 1 week ahead and contains the following activities: A set of tests depending on the program.
Consultation with a fertility specialist who will be in charge of your program. In case of stimulation your wife will need to have the transvaginal ultrasound check done.
Before any initial consultation you will receive the Guidelines for the Initial Consultation. failure to follow these recommendations may affect the initial consultation in a negative way.
After you sign contracts, the medical team starts the selection process that includes:
Initial pre-selection by the local coordinator. Consultation of the fertility specialist in the clinic. Consultation of a psychologist. Legal consultation and verification of documents. Screening for possible addictions (urine and blood tests).
This check-up process, including all necessary tests and exams, takes about 1 month.
The cycle of egg donor or the biological mother is synchronised with the cycle of a surrogate mother. According to your contract you have to follow all doctors instruction. In case of self-treatment or violation of the treatment protocol, the clinic may cancel the cycle and terminate the contract. The date of the pick up is scheduled by the doctor in charge of the program.
The Intended Parents are informed about it beforehand..
If the Intended Parents wish to use previously frozen sperm sample for fertilisation they shall notify the program coordinator. In case the biological mother undergoes hormonal stimulation and is being prepared for egg retrieval, the second visit may take up to 10 days.
The rules for sperm donation are similar as for the initial consultation – a man needs to abstain from ejaculation from 3 to 5 days before. After fertilisation the embryo development is monitored by our embryology unit. The embryo transfer takes place on the 3rd/5th day depending on the clinic. You will usually receive the protocol of embryo cultivation and transfer within 3 working days after the embryo transfer.The HCG test takes place 2 weeks after the embryo transfer. The surrogate mother has her test in the clinic. The results of the test are known the day after the test. The first ultrasound scan is carried out in 2 weeks after the positive HCG test by the doctor in charge of the program. The report will be send the same or the next day after the check.
What you can expect during pregnancy monitorying:
Monthly ultrasound checks from the 12th week of pregnancy. Reports along with video and/or pictures will be send the same or the next day. For trisomy screenings, results will be send within 5 working days. Trisomy 13, 18, 21 – on the 12th week of pregnancy. Trisomy 18, 21 – on the 16th week of pregnancy. When your surrogate mother is going for planned hospitalisation your program coordinator will let you know. As a rule if the delivery is in a natural way the baby will be discharged in 3-4 days from the maternity house. In case of twins or c-section it might take up to 7 days for the babies to stay in the maternity house. In case of premature birth or any complications, the baby(s) obviously stay in the hospital for a longer period.
Wishing you all the very best ahead of your journey. ;)
Mirela
 
Posts: 35
Joined: 19 Nov 2015, 16:33


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